Crikey, the only time in 7 years that it would be convenient for us both to be injury free and it’s just one thing after another. Someone please wrap us in bubble wrap so we can survive the next few weeks!
Cause: Stupidity, haste and illogical thinking
Injury: Severe burn to the hand
Only I could have been this stupid. I was trying to glue some ribbon on to a banana stand for our wedding. Not to hang actual bananas on, a globe infact, for our rings to sit on. Anyway, this was turning out to be a 2 person job, I should’ve just stopped when that light-bulb moment occurred, but no, I carried on and not having that helpful 3rd hand that I oh so needed I managed to forcefully place my hand in a pile of scorching hot glue. Being home alone at the time I didn’t have anyone to take over the medical situation I was in. I am still not sure if I did the right thing or not, but I just ripped the glue off my hand burning my other hand in the process and removing a load of skin. Ouch! There was blood, swearing and a few tears. Obviously I ran it under the tap immediately but after an SOS phone-call to my mum I realised that the bite soothing cream I had just put on wasn’t going to do it any good (have no idea what I was thinking) so back to the cold tap I went for half an hour. This is what I have looked like for the past couple of weeks – Simon calls it my Keith Lemon hand:
After 1 week it looked like this:
Over 2 weeks on and it now looks like this:
It feels like leather. It has to go though!
After receiving the pep talk from Simon about not taking my eyes off the ball, about slowing down etc etc I did just that. Our first chilled out weekend in months was approaching and we planned to spend the Sunday lying on the loungers in the garden. Sunday morning arrives, I am preparing a healthy brunch following a very late night of friends visiting for a BBQ. Simon mentions he is popping out to the garden to sort some weeds out round the pond. No less than 2 minutes later he stumbles back to tell me he has had an accident. He tells me he has cut his thumb and proceeds to run it under the tap. When I look round I see he is covered in blood! Ouch. Ok, first aid Faye needs to make an appearance now. Off I go to get him a plaster but he calls me back, no too much blood for a plaster. I put my arm around him and ask him if we need to go to hospital for stitches. He says no but then I feel him starting to shake. I grab him a chair and hug him asking him if he feels sick or faint. No he says. Next thing I know he is slumped forward, his head whacking the work top. I can’t see his face but the noises coming from him make me think he is being sick but I soon realise as he starts shaking uncontrollably that he is unconcious. SH*T!!!! I have my arm around him, I am shouting his name and he is slowly falling off the chair towards me. He is over 6ft and there was no way I was going to stop him falling so I had no choice but to cradle him down to the floor to prevent as much injury from hitting the tiles as possible. He was still shaking and making the noises. It seemed like a fit. Luckily he was on his side so if he was choking it was the best position to be in. I couldn’t move him or get any response from him so I called 999. During the call he woke up, he had no idea what had just happened and told me he was fine but I wasn’t going to risk it. Within minutes the paramedic turned up and ran a heap load of tests on him. The bleeding had stopped and Simon was awake and alert. After a clean bill of health we were told he needed to eat and relax and get his thumb glued if it didn’t heal quickly. Blimey! What a nightmare morning. Thankfully I knew he was fine when he started tucking into a family bag of vegetable crisps. It was at that point that the shock hit me and I felt awful for the rest of the day!
This is us that afternoon with matching bandages:
It has now become a joke with our family and friends that we really do need to be wrapped in bubble wrap. I have banned any sharp objects other than those necessary to eat and prepare food with. I have banned Simon from gardening when home alone and I haven’t used my glue gun in weeks (my banana stand and ribbon project still isn’t finished).
Tuesday night this week and off Simon goes to football. Three and a half hours later I hear him walk through the front door. Before I can even see him I am asking ‘have you survived unscathed?’, ‘not exactly’ is his reply. What now?! As he walks into the room I notice immediately the grazed face and swollen eye. He then proceeds to show me his grazed shoulder, his bleeding elbow, his cut hands, his knee covered in blood, his grazed bum cheek and his scraped leg. WHAT?!!!!!! We are getting married in 3 weeks, this cannot happen. He is now banned from all sports activities until we are back from our wedding trip. He thinks playing in goal for the next few weeks will keep him injury free but I’m not having it. I’ve even tweeted David Seaman to ask him his opinion!!!!! Simon looks terrible and I can’t have him looking like a thug in our wedding photos. I honestly think he is proud of his wounds, he seems so smug, like they’re medals or badges!
All I can ask for from this point forward is luck, I hope we are lucky enough to look injury free on our wedding day. I don’t want bleeding wounds seeping through our wedding outfits, I don’t want black eyes and bandages. I have everything crossed!